joke of the week

[charlie chicken]

Billy bacon" hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, , "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, billy, what was your toast?" billy Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, billy," she said.

The next day, his wife ran into one of billy's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "billy won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you.

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come". ;D

[Bacon]

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day.
The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.
'I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please' says the man.


' O.K.' replies the waiter and calls out 'Gervais!'


A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

'Not to worry' says the waiter, and calls out 'Hans!' at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.


'Sir', says the waiter, 'this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that squid!'
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
'I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid,' Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

'Well sir,' says the waiter, 'it just goes to show...



That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais - with mild green, hairy lip squid!!!!!!'

[chicken]

While i was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than i
should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side
with a radar gun laying in wait. He pulled me over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic patronising gait we all know about, asked......
"What's your hurry?"
"I'm late for work."
"What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher."
"A what?! A rectum stretcher?! And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well, I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side to
side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the
rectum, until it's about 6 feet."

"And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?"



"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."

Traffic ticket: £95.00
Court costs: £45.00
Look on cop's face......Priceless

[Bacon]

36 inch breasts covered in warm Belgium chocolate,,,1 inch erect nipples pierced with gold nipple rings topped with whipped cream,,,,,clean shaven pussy framed by an open crotched leather thong,,,moist salty clit smothered in blackberry jam,,,,this is not ordinary porn,,,this is M & S porn!!!